Who’s the Boss?

Whether we want to admit it or not, there is a strong power dynamic in relationships in the sense that one person is more dominant than the other. In a traditional sense it has always been the man, but in this day and age when women are taking more dominant roles in the “outer sphere” as well as the “inner sphere”, we want more control in our relationships, but this can and has caused problems in relationships. This power struggle could be the answer to divorce rates because when women had less demands there was less divorce and now that women expect more from their relationships, they are finding themselves alone.

 

Relationships aren’t equal, but they need balance like ying/yang. There’s black, there’s white and a little bit of each in each other. I can’t say who is suppose to have the upper hand, but a friend told me that a man has to feel that he’s the one in power; it’s biological, it’s in their blood to be the one in control. Is this true? Are men biologically rigged to be the dominant figure in relationships? Although, my friend says “yes”, I say it depends. I am a strong, independent woman, but I understand the psychology of men. I know that a man needs to feel in control of the situation in order to be happy, but the thing is making a man feel that he is in control while you are really in control.

 

But you’ll only be in the driver’s seat if you pick the right passenger. That’s right. If you pick the right person, the balance happens and then you, happily, let nature take its course because you trust your man. I’m not saying that as women, we can’t be strong and powerful, but most men feel good when they can provide and make decisions, confident, that we’ll be supportive of their judgment.

 

Now, not all men are like this, some men need to be cuddled and babied because they never learned how to be men. In these situations we can take the reigns, but. . . you can’t criticize if your man doesn’t step up to the plate. That’s the thing, if you want a man that cooperates, considers, appreciates and strives to step it up, then you need to find a man with these qualities. You can’t make a baby a man; a man comes to age on his own. So if you want a man that makes moves, you, obviously, can’t pick one that doesn’t, and expect him to take charge.

 

So I guess it’s all about preference, and conscious, intelligent decisions, but the reality is we’re a bit more complicated. See, I am a dominant woman, but at the same time I want a partner that is more dominant than me, but in a compassionate way. I need a man that listens to me and takes me into consideration while still taking the reigns. Complex? Yeh, but it is all part of life.

 

I say, just make sure you know what role you want to play in a relationship, whether you want to be Queen Elizabeth I or Mrs. Cleaver.

 

Thanks!

I want to thank everyone who has read, supported, and commented on this blog. Please rest assured that I read all your comments and find them intriguing and insightful and will be responding to all of them.

 

Thanks!

Eureka! Why men play games. . .

The interesting thing about men is that they never want to feel played, but want to make sure they’re playing you. As I’ve mentioned before, several sources have told me that you need to treat men badly in order to get their respect and for them to want you. That’s hard for me to swallow, but it’s so true. When you treat a man with respect and love he steps all over you, but when you treat him badly he’s more responsive, but I think I figured out why. . .

 

Drum roll please. . .

 

It’s because when you treat them badly, they respond so that you’ll let your guard down and start treating them good and once you start treating them nicely then they act like. . . well like the dogs that men usually are. You see, treating you well is just a tactic to make you think they really care so then they can make you look stupid for believing in the first place that they, actually, care. That’s very manipulative on their part, but there’s a quick fix to this, just treat them badly all the time, then they’ll be on you like white on rice.

 

Another reason a man might treat a woman nice is if he wants something, say maybe borrow $50 to go out with his friends? He’ll tolerate all of the woman’s meanness because in the end he’ll get something out of it but once he gets what he wants he hangs up the phone on the woman who thinks he cares about her because of all the kindness that he showed her while he wanted something. This is what leaves us baffled and insane. This is how women lose their minds because men love to play games and as a result we’re forced to play as well. I mean, in the end of the day, it is a man’s world, but that doesn’t mean we can’t beat them at their own game, because in the end of the day men are stupid. Strong generalization? I know, but stupid in the sense that they take good things for granted and they can’t be straight up. Instead of manipulating and confusing a woman, just say, I don’t care about you, I just need $50, can I borrow it and I’ll pay you back? I rather someone tell me what they want from me than play with my emotions.

 

Men waste too much time on things that aren’t worth it, they don’t know how to take a good thing and run with it. They want to play with you, messing with a woman and having her hang around and lament a man makes him feel stronger and treat a woman worse, but when a woman asserts herself and is straight forward, men can’t handle it because they feel that they’re losing control. . .

 

So, ladies the important thing is to always make sure that the ball is in your court or else you’ll get whacked. . .

The Ancient Rituals of Matchmaking . . . Gone?

Back in the days, people met their significant other through a mutual friend. Nowadays, people meet their significant other as a MySpace friend. No longer are people getting setup on blind dates, no longer are you hearing, “Hey I have a friend that’s perfect for you.” In this fast time of technological advancement, all the hard work of finding someone has been completely left to the individual and I think that the internet has a large role in this menacing situation.

 

Why? Simply because the internet is the new “it” scene; it’s where strangers reunite and engage in casual conversation and where most people are looking for their lover. The population is feeling more comfortable with looking for love online and why shouldn’t they with all the options at their fingertips, literally? It’s so much easier to filter male, 23+, no kids, great job than to go to any real-life event and meet someone that meets your criteria.

 

As the web expands, it presents people with more options to limit human contact. But is that a good thing? Easier? Yes. Good? Questionable. As we become more dependent on the internet to find love, we limit the ability to meet people in real-life, and we become less socially adept and we’re stuck behind a computer typing away our feelings.

 

I can’t exactly pinpoint the exact repercussions of limiting ourselves to online dating, but it seems that if we dedicate our lives to finding love online, we’ll lose something when it comes to dating, love, and socializing. As convenient as the internet is, it takes something away from the magic of it all.

 

But the real problem is not when the individual wants to seek love on-line, but when it becomes a collective moment, then it becomes a situation because the stragglers that don’t want to find love on the internet are left behind.

 

So let’s stay inline with the fast times of the tech life, but let’s not forget the sheer joy of coming together at a dinner party, or the joy of introducing one great friend to another and creating a love connection. Let’s not leave all the matchmaking to match.com or eHarmony, because we can create great love connections without the help of 100 page application or a $500 online fee.

Contact Internet Drama

 

Email me at internetdrama@gmail.com with all your questions and concerns.

Original Works of Love

When we love, it is a unique and priceless item, never to reproduced, impossible to copy. That explosive connection that we have with one individual will most likely never be the same with another person, and that’s scary.

 

When we breakup, we instantly think, I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, but let’s make an adjustment to that statement, I’m never going to have that great connection, again. And that’s more likely than the first. We can all find someone to spend the rest of our lives with, someone to love, but can we find that feeling again? Can we find the same connection with another person, and the answer is, no, you don’t. Why not? Because, we’re all individuals and bring different things to the table and create different feelings and connections that will never be the same as the other. We’re like crayons, no two crayons create the same color, but it doesn’t mean that one color is better than the other, they’re just different.

 

And that’s what happens, that explosive feeling can come in different packages. You might never be able to replicate the feelings that you had with someone, but you never want to copy, because a copy is never as good as the original. You want an original of everything, and that’s what you need to create: original works of love. Never go searching for what you had because if what you had is not what you have, then there’s a reason why it’s in your past tense.

Out of Love

I’m not in love with you anymore. . are painful, harsh words.

 

How does it happen that someone falls “out of love?”

           

            Is it because him/her finds someone else?

 

Or is it because him/her is selfish?

 

            Could it be that one’s partner has done something to him/her?

 

Or is he/she an ungrateful, selfish person?

 

I never believed in “falling out of love” with someone because honestly where does the love go? Is there a magical place where love goes? I think you always love someone but you eventually find someone that you love more. When people say that they’re not in love anymore, I say it is dissatisfaction. Selfish dissatisfaction, especially when the person that claims to be out of love is the person who gave less in the relationship. It seems that the person that falls out of love is the person who gained the most in the relationship versus the person that gave the most. You would think that person that got used and wrung out would be the first one to utter the words, “I don’t love you anymore,” but no, it’s not like that.

 

It never seems that it’s like that. In love, everything is messed up and twisted about. It doesn’t make sense. None of it does because first of all we always end up with someone that is opposite from us, someone that is so incompatible that most likely there will be much turmoil as a result, then you forget about these things and accept the person with all their flaws, but then they turn on you and betray and forget about, and only think of themselves, when you have given them everything, then they fall out of love with you. You, who have given them everything within your power, you, who, have loved them regardless of all the pain and betrayal that they have caused you. You, end up hurt. The giver.

 

So, truly, if you are a sensitive soul, back away a bit because most people don’t appreciate what you give them and find any excuse to throw you out of their life once they have gained what they want from you. Loyalty goes out the window once he/she gets all the sex, clothes, trips, food, and money that they want from you, but once you ask for something or he/she is done ravenously consuming you and your soul, they’re not in love with you anymore.

 

It’s all too interesting, but what can you really do? Stop loving? Maybe. I, myself, don’t believe in wearing your heart on your sleeve. It’s too painful to be vulnerable, but those are my own qualms about love. But I guess love is definitely a learning experience; if you can’t get your love out of your relationship, get a lesson. Just because that one person is out of love with you, doesn’t mean someone else won’t be in love with you. From the most cynical mind ever (i.e. me), there is always hope.

8 Cute, Insignificant Internet Things you can do that’ll go a long way. . .

1. Play a MSN game with your sweetie.
2. Make sure that they’re your number one on MySpace.
3. Leave cute comments on their page.
4. Send e-cards.
5. Send an email saying you love him/her.
6. Stop online flirts dead in their tracks and let them know that you have a sweetie.
7. Email interesting articles to your girlfriend/boyfriend, let them know you always want to share with them.
8. Turn off the computer and give your boo a hug and your undivided attention.

The Horrible Game of Love

The world is full of horrible people and in turn these horrible people do horrible things. This is incomprehensible to me; I always thought that if you were a good person, people would appreciate your kindness and wouldn’t do bad things to you. Boy, was I wrong.

 

What do you say about a boyfriend who throws his girlfriend out of his house, just because she showed up to say hi?

 

What do you say about a boyfriend that has unprotected sex with another woman impregnates her and then gives his girlfriend a STD?

 

What do you say about a guy who gallantly gives his jacket to a woman that his woman doesn’t like, right in his girlfriend’s face?

 

And, please tell me, what do you say about a man that goes out every night leaving his poor, trapped wife at home to tend to the kids and home, while he goes gallivanting around with his friends and lady friends?

 

What do you say? They are selfish, horrible people. Many people try to convince me that there are good men out there, but honestly where are they? Never in my life have I witnessed pure kindness and consideration from a man. Those that I have seen have special circumstances, which are a bit taboo and I won’t detail, but most times they’re all assholes.

 

What as women have we done to merit this? The answer is: we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves in our relationship and give so much that we forget to ask, or more so demand the same respect, consideration, and appreciation. But the sad thing is that we ask for so little, that we get nothing.

 

So, what do you have to do to get a little of l-o-v-e? Well, one opinion is: be a bitch. Apparently, when you treat someone like crap, they’ll hang all over you, but when you treat them with kindness and respect they take you for granted. Seems backwards right?

 

After careful consideration, I must say that this state of mind might make sense. How? I have no idea, but when you give someone your being, it really seems like that means nothing, but when you keep them wanting then they appreciate when you give a little.

 

But, this means this all a game. I never believed in games when it came to love but rather I believed in honesty and love. I truly believed that love trumped everything, but sadly it doesn’t, so if you persist on being “in love” then be ready to play because most people are horrible and if you chose to be with them you have to play a game so that you don’t end up getting played.

Does distance make the heart grow fonder???

Your thoughts, miss internet drama?

 

So, question…what happens when you know that the sour part is when your “boo” is moving 3,000 miles away, and you know now you shouldn’t stay because there is NO POINT at all? Why do you stay, when you know there is NO POINT?

 

Dear NO POINT:

 

NO POINT? Am I sensing some aggression? Everything has a point, whether we grow from it, hurt from it, or cry over it. You need to decide what you are and are not getting from your boo and if he’s really worth the 3,000 miles, if you’re saying that there’s no point then clearly there is no future between the two of you, so the best thing for you to do is end it amicably when he leaves and remain friends.

 

If you decide that he’s the one, then you make it work through visits, emails, romantic phone conversations and the occasional surprises. Remember distance makes the heart grow fonder or rather can make. . .

 

But whatever you do, do what feels right! Do what you want to do and will make you happy!